Frustration

Have you ever been so frustrated with something that it ruined your week? Maybe someone else did something that made you look bad. Or you thought you knew what you were doing but then you noticed something that caused you to second guess it? Or maybe you felt overloaded and didn't do something as well as you now wished it had been done. Maybe someone pointed out that mistake to you afterwards and it frustrated you a lot.

I have felt that way before and I am sure I will feel that way again. Things happen in life that make us mad, angry, and sad. We dwell on them and think to ourselves we should have known better. Or complainingly wonder if people know how much we have on our plates. We work hard and expect that when we fail it will be ok because we were overloaded. Sometimes we get frustrated because we feel like what we are doing is pointless. We think that it doesn't matter how well we do something as long as it gets done in some form or another.


We are frustrated with life and all the baggage that comes with it. Why do we let things get to us? Why can't we cry out to God and ask for him to help us understand and see these frustrations as a great time for understanding. I am very guilty of getting frustrated and letting that be an excuse to be mad all day. I use it as a reason to think with a poor attitude and mope about poor old me.

But then something good happens. There is a still small quiet and patient voice that speaks to me. It whispers words of love and encouragement to me. It picks me up and helps me carry on. The voice and words of God become very real when my angry frustrations collide with His love filled words. I begin to understand and learn from the road blocks ahead.

I begin to believe in what He has said. I stand tall and free while these frustrations lay chained in His love. I truly become something that resembles what He wants for me.

This post was inspired by my daily walk with God. I have worked hard to have quiet time with Him everyday. The more I read and pray the less my frustrations hold me back. It only takes a little while to do devotions. But it impacts the rest of the day.

Take the challenge and work hard at making a quiet time with God each day. You will not be sorry that you did.

Fear

I am currently reading Max Lucado's newest book called "Fearless". now I am not going to review the book if thats what you are looking for. I am not allowed to do that till the night of september 8th so you have to wait a week. I want to talk about fear.

While reading his book I have had feelings stirring inside me. Feelings I wasn't sure I wanted to move at all. I am afraid. I have a huge fear in my life. it is a scary thing for me to even talk about it on here...though it does help that no one really reads or comments on this blog.

See I work at a large church and I have a big job. Everyone here has a big job. We do stuff. We do lots of stuff. I work in Adult Ministries at the moment. I have other jobs but that is the one that makes me afraid. I am responsible for starting a running programs that help guide people in their spiritual walks. Now I don't grow people spiritually (even though thats what some people think ministers do). I am really just here to facilitate a place that gives you an atmosphere that you can grow and learn in. I take programs and make sure they aren't creating bad atmosphere and if they are then I need to edit them and tailor them to fit our values and such.

I am working on my first project right now actually. Now this brings me to my confession. I am afraid. As I was working on some stuff today these thoughts of "What if no one comes?" , "What if I mess up and people don't like the study?", or my new favorite one "What if I don't do well and I lose my job?"

These are not good things to think. They don't help me work harder. They don't make this any easier to do. Why do I dwell on them and why do I think about them so much? I feel like I have to prove my worth. I must succeed or else I am not worth this job. If I fail then everyone will know I am not worth it.

We all have these thoughts but no one wants to talk about them. No one wants to admit that these thoughts are running through our heads screaming at us till that is all we can hear. Max Lucado talks about this as a fear that needs to be addressed. God has made it clear that we matter. He knows the hairs on our head (even guys loosing their hair don't know this). We don't have to be afraid. We can take comfort that our worth does not rest on our job or even life performance. It all rests on the shoulders of the one who came before us. Christ died because He felt we were and are still worth it.

When these things start coming up in your head take sometime to slow down and remember that you are worth it. You will always be worth it. You always have been worth the price paid for you. No one can ever take that away from you. YOU HAVE WORTH. Don't be afraid anymore of the lie that you are worthless. Stand tall against it and scream at it that YOU HAVE WORTH.

Building better communitcaion in marriage

Recently Ann and I have made a new rule for our house. No TV before 9pm. It's not a big deal but it did bother me when this was stated. I didn't like it because I was at work all day and I wanted to relax when I got home. I actually like sitting in front of the TV after work and mindlessly watching whatever happens to be on. (everyone knows it is always all about me and never our partners)

A few nights ago Ann brought up the fact that we don't talk to much about things going on in the day. We talk but we don't share that much. At first I was not happy that this was even being said. I mean come on I am working for a church and trying to be a good Christ follower. Then something amazing happened.....I agreed to do this (anyone who knows me well knows I don't do well when TV is threatened). I accepted this "new rule" and figured it would have faded after one night.

I have been amazed after the past few nights some of the things that Ann and I have talked about. This one little rule that seemed so dumb at the beginning has actually improved the quality of our discussions in a few short days. I feel closer to her now than I did when we first got married.

Now I know that we will not always have a no TV before 9 rule. For now I am going to be enjoying it while it lasts. I am excited to see where it will take us in the future. The deeper our communication goes the deeper our love grows (yeah I make cheesy rhymes sometimes).

I think this idea, something so simple and small, is something that everyone should try when they first get married. This will help to build the foundation of marriage for new couples and also strengthen the foundation for older couples.

Men Lie And Women Enable Them To Do So.

Yes that is the topic of this post today, and yes I am coming out of retirement to try and start posting again. I have been an on again, off again blogger for about 9 years now. So I am back on the "on again" part of the cycle, but onto the important things that I wish to rant and rave about in this post.

Men are liars. It is true we are all a bunch of liars. Now I know it is kind of harsh, but we are. We lie not in the sense of trying to truly mislead women harmfully but in a way such as to protect ourselves from what we have done or how we have let them down. We don't flat out lie, we make excuses about why we did or did not do something in order to protect our worth in their eyes. You see we have this problem of needing to justify whatever we do. Whenever someone calls it into question we defend it with "excuses" and "reasons" of why we were right to do so. What is it inside us that forces us to need to have to defend something so deeply that we must make an"excuse" about why we did it? Take myself, for instance. I am usually an on time person, but I have been in a rut for a about a year of being five minutes late. Whenever my wife calls me out on it I always have an excuse. I realize they are lies I am telling her and myself, to justify what I am doing. If I forget to do the dishes, I make another excuse about why I haven't done it.

I hope you notice by now I am referring to “excuses” as lies. That is what they are. Now I am not saying that everything is a lie. If I am late to a meeting or I don't show because I was involved in a traffic accident, then that is understandable and it is not an excuse. But if I say that I was on the phone and traffic was bad... what I am really saying is that I didn't care about the person and I am misleading them from catching on that I could have been on time. I could have gotten off the phone, I knew I had a meeting, I could have left five minutes earlier because I know traffic is always bad at this time, but I didn't because "I thought" it would be ok. Yeah we really didn't think that, we felt like something was more important, like sitting down and watching tv, or talking on the phone with someone else. If we had cared we would have gotten out the door quicker. You never see a guy late for something he wants to go to, ever notice that? We are always on time when we want to be.

See I wonder what causes that in us. What makes us this way. We have a tendency to be rewarded for it. Now I am not talking about getting a pat on the back or anything like that, but we do get away with it. We never get left by our loved ones when we are running late. We never get pushed into starting to get ready earlier. Someone in our lives and most likely multiple people are enabling us to do this. Recently, I was speaking with a friend about how I used to be before and how I am now after being married. I used to be on time all the time and now I am usually five minutes late to everything after having been married for a year. Now I started out blaming everyone but me, and recently my wife has decided that doesn't work anymore. We have talked about it. I say I will work harder but I don't really do anything. I always have an "excuse" on why I am running late. I spin it to make me look better and she is not happy when we are late again and we argue a little and then I say I am sorry and the cycle begins again.

You see, I was enabled by my wife to keep this going. Now don't get me wrong I am not blaming her. My friend said women have great intuition about men and know when we are misleading them. They know when our excuses are valid and when we are spinning things. They understand it and decide if it is worth it to call us out on it. Women don't like conflict because they are relational and emotionally involved more than men. We are relational and emotionally involved with them but to a lesser extent. When we are allowed to continue our behavior unchecked, then we will continue to devalue people in our lives. Now I don't intentionally do this, but subconsciously I commit these crimes all the time.

My friend pointed out that we aren't bad people, but that we subconsciously take stabs at those around us when we are upset about something, even if we don't notice. So subconsciously, we say to them; "I have felt devalued by someone else so I will devalue you so that you and I will be on the same level". It is very interesting. When I feel as though my place in my marriage has be devalued (because of a lack of being able to provide for my wife) I tend to be late and mope around the house until something causes me to feel that value again. I tend to lose contact with family around the states when I feel like I have nothing to say that will make them proud, or if I have bad news that I feel will make me look bad in their eyes. We all do this...(even women), but in different ways.

We have to be intentional to make it end. We have to work hard against the idea that we need to have an excuse, we need a fact not a reason. We have to find a way to get out of this. Yesterday I took a walk in the cold. I am from NC where it is warm even in the winter. I hate the cold and the snow because I don't like being cold. Here in Canada I feel closed in with no way out sometimes because I can't go for a walk because I am cold. What I am really saying is I am not happy here because I haven't tried to settle in here and make this place home. I tell myself the cold keeps me inside but the truth is that it is a good "excuse" for me to not do something. I would take a walk if I was home. If I had a job I would go outside. If I had friends I would go on walks with them. When I don't have these things then I can't go out because I have to have them to be able to walk.

Now I have rattled on a bit so I want to restate this point one more time clearly so here it is:

Men:

• Don't make excuses.

• Be diligent in doing things to show people (especially your wives (or special people in your lives)) that you care by being on time, and that you care enough for the little things like being prepared for the day.

• Don't make excuses when you mess up, figure out a way to move on and stand tall in the next moment, don't let your failure hold you back the next time.

Women:

• Don't enable us.

• If we are late, then leave us behind even though it hurts.

• Support us when we are down and try and get to the root of what we are feeling.

• Remember that we want to look good for you so enable us to do that with support (even if it means we are in trouble).

So I hope this helps you see why we are the way we are. Hopefully some people will change, or help facilitate a change from this.

As always let me know if there is anything you have to add to this. Comments are always welcome.

The Vote is ON!!!!!

so I voted. I was a little sad after I mailed my ballot out today. I have been following the white house race for so long I forgot that I had two pages of votes to cast. when I went to start filling in my ballot I was on google checking out many different peoples websites. from elizabeth dole to pat mccroy. I had a lot of work to do. but I did the best I could. it is kind of sad though that we focus on one race more than all the others and we forget that the local leaders do a lot for us. if our local base is strong then we as a people will be strong. but if it is weak then so shall we be. this apply's to many things....

like the local church. we need strong pastors out there as much as we need strong leaders in the congragations and homes of our churches. soon I will be going to meetings for jobs to be a pastor again. it is exciting and thrilling as well as scary. I wonder sometimes if I am strong enough to mold and shape people into what God wants them to be. I have been learning a lot about leadership from my wife. he drive and commitment to our marraige has been a strong example for me. and it encourages me to lead our new little family to better places. her devotion to me and our family shows me a great example of how people should be devoted to God. 

this is just my little rant for right now. i hope to post another entry soon.

Conservitive Canada

so i watched the Canadian elections last night with Ann and her mom. the system is very different from ours. Harper retained his minority conservitive goverment and the liberals might be smelling a little blood on their party leader Dion. all the news agencey's are saying that a new Liberal party leader could be appearing soon.

speaking of elections it looks like McCain is starting to turn things around for his campaign. he is speaking nicely of Obama and actually telling people he is a good man. it looks like he is starting to run a nicer campaign over the next few weeks we could see a big change in the election playing field. I just wish one of the canadites would look at the immigration system and see that it needs a little more reform. 

Ann and I are working on her petition now hoping to be mailing it in soon. I am hoping for a quick processing time. I like Canada but I am ready to be in that place where we will start a long term part of our lives.

renewal

so I know I have dissappeared from the blogging world for a long while but I am back. hopefully I will be posting more as I am getting used to what is goig on in life. I am married to a wonderful woman named Ann. she has been leading me through a new foreign adventure called Canada. we have begun working on getting her a green card. I have started talking with the wesleyan church offices in canada and I am starting to look for church jobs. I will hopefully find one soon. I have some posting ideas and such for the future so I might even work on one of those today. oh and I am using the new google chrome and loving it. everyone should use that also.